The Silent Sufferers of Exclusionism

From the time we are able to talk, we unconsciously want to impress others with our superiority.  Men especially love to compete.  They want to run faster, drive better cars and get laid with more regularity than the next Joe.

And that’s where so many people – secretly humiliated by braggarts – begin to develop defense mechanism of inadequacy.  I can remember when I was sixteen there was this eighteen-year-old braggart, Fred, who always talked about is felatio with a woman I never met.  Regardless of whether or not he had actually done what he said, I, a virgin, had to nervously laugh at his alleged exploits and behave as if I knew what he was talking about intimately.

Feelings of inadequacy shook me to the bone.  I wondered how he got laid and had women crawling to be on top of or underneath him.  But I was too embarrassed to ask him how he attracted women and got them to disrobe voluntarily.  My fears haunted me until my late twenties.  I never became a Don Juan, nor was that in my DNA.

Not too long ago, I reread Napolean Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich.”  In one chapter he implied that to become rich you must have or develop sex appeal.  No wonder, I surmised, it was so difficult for me to accumulate wealth.  Napolean Hill,  as a young man, was clearly verile and extremely handsome.  He probably didn’t have to work at being sexy and verile; everyone just assumed he was and treated him as such.  His self-confidence soared.

When people are unquestionably handsome or pretty, they attract people without effort.  In attracting others, they build self-confidence – sometimes ungrounded – that they can seduce anyone at anytime…and they usually can!  On the surface of it, life does seem quite unfair.

Most of the world’s wealth is controlled by less than five percent of the people on this planet.  There is no scientific way to verify this, but I would guess that ninety percent of the five percent are sexually attractive either through looks or endowment or inheritance.  The remainder struggle mightily to find the confidence to believe in their own self worth.  They have to manufacture sexiness through becoming mavens or artisans in some field.  Most don’t have the perseverance to rise above the rabble.

A great majority of people secretly wonder why they don’t have sex appeal.  They dress for success and buy cars and toys beyond their means because they feel like naked eunuchs or hags inside and want to cover up their inadequacies.  What they often attract is not success and wealth, but a cheap imitation of it.  They are frauds and know deep down inside – if they dare take a moment to reflect – that they feel sexually inadequate and frustrated despite outward appearances.

In writing this raw piece I hope to wake up people to the naked truth.  The first step in changing for the better is to admit rather than cover up our inadequacies.

The ninety percent of us without natural gifts and talents and money must learn to challenge the more verile and sensual to a duel of the heart.  That is where each of us with less natural endowment can win against the beautiful-looking and silver-spooned crowd.